Dour II
Silence, a faithful companion, followed me around today. Only 8 people were in the office today and because I slept pretty late this morning, I felt very restless and lethargic.
By Sunday night and after the hopefully final debrief, I was feeling a little down already. Not sure what brought about the mood. Perhaps it was the fact that I was still struggling in my football manager game.
Now, I am at the end of my tether. These are moments when I hate the most, times when I feel so alone despite having people whom I can contact by pressing a few buttons. The world feels strangely so far away from me. I feel estranged. Why do I always feel so estranged?
Or maybe this is simply the peace before the emotional storm which may blow me away in its melancholic cries as I slowly enter into a period of mourning for the loss of the old place. It is like having to put to sleep an old, faithful friend who has stuck with me through thick and thin, yet it has to leave me because every breath it takes will mean another intake of resource which will only serve to prolong its pain and overdue departure from this world.
I can still remember the time when I was thinking of a name for it and the waves of satisfaction which hit me when I thought I came up with a brilliant name. Three and a half years, countless comments, meetups, entries, stories, tears, pain, nominations in a blog contest and a few U-turns later, circumstances beyond my control are made it such that I have to say "Goodbye" to it.
One of the biggest benefits it brought to me during its existence was how I could use (and subsequently, exhaust) my reserves of inspiration, brought about by years of silence. Another one of those that I would possibly miss is how friendships and relationships established through the medium would now start the process of deterioration. This is not as though people have not moved on. Since 2001, when there were but only 60 or so local bloggers, many have since moved their domains or set up shop somewhere else anonymously.
I guess the only thing that I can show for is the zine. It was a labour of love and I am still not a little amazed at how I managed to pull everything together and properly publish (amateurishly) it.
Now, this represents a new beginning.
A new dawn during an appropriate time.
***
It is not how you start but how you end that will determine how successful you will be.
I can inclined to believe that I started with a bang, and now, I leave with barely the softest of wimpers.
By Sunday night and after the hopefully final debrief, I was feeling a little down already. Not sure what brought about the mood. Perhaps it was the fact that I was still struggling in my football manager game.
Now, I am at the end of my tether. These are moments when I hate the most, times when I feel so alone despite having people whom I can contact by pressing a few buttons. The world feels strangely so far away from me. I feel estranged. Why do I always feel so estranged?
Or maybe this is simply the peace before the emotional storm which may blow me away in its melancholic cries as I slowly enter into a period of mourning for the loss of the old place. It is like having to put to sleep an old, faithful friend who has stuck with me through thick and thin, yet it has to leave me because every breath it takes will mean another intake of resource which will only serve to prolong its pain and overdue departure from this world.
I can still remember the time when I was thinking of a name for it and the waves of satisfaction which hit me when I thought I came up with a brilliant name. Three and a half years, countless comments, meetups, entries, stories, tears, pain, nominations in a blog contest and a few U-turns later, circumstances beyond my control are made it such that I have to say "Goodbye" to it.
One of the biggest benefits it brought to me during its existence was how I could use (and subsequently, exhaust) my reserves of inspiration, brought about by years of silence. Another one of those that I would possibly miss is how friendships and relationships established through the medium would now start the process of deterioration. This is not as though people have not moved on. Since 2001, when there were but only 60 or so local bloggers, many have since moved their domains or set up shop somewhere else anonymously.
I guess the only thing that I can show for is the zine. It was a labour of love and I am still not a little amazed at how I managed to pull everything together and properly publish (amateurishly) it.
Now, this represents a new beginning.
A new dawn during an appropriate time.
***
It is not how you start but how you end that will determine how successful you will be.
I can inclined to believe that I started with a bang, and now, I leave with barely the softest of wimpers.
posted by D W at 5:43 PM
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